Not only have we not moved for about two hours (and in fact the engines aren’t even running now, which feels odd after living with them for nearly two weeks), but the news is just out that King Neptune is about to give his special welcome to all first timers to Antarctica. I don’t know what form this welcome takes exactly, except that it involves deeply disgusting substances and you usually need a shower and a change of clothes afterwards. Yikes.

You had the chance to opt out if the prospect of public humiliation and being smeared with something repulsive was too much for you. Why didn’t I take the chance when I had it?